Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
