Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just saw a hot homeless man
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
