I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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