You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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