hell yes lets make some ravioli
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
