what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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