Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
