he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
