i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
