if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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