3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
