discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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