Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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