Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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