The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
