I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
