don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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