Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
