Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
