I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Vodka?
Forever.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
