Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My balls are so social today.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
