idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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