i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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