Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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