So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
