I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
