tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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