so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
