what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
