Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
