please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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