final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
