My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
