This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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