remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
