woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
