I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
