Betty ford says i'm here all night
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
