she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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