my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
