She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
