just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
