he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
