well you can't waste a boner
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
