weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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