i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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