Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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