if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
