tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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