Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
