hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
