Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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